You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize