i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
