Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
