but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
