friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
