My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
