he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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