Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
