Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
