Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
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Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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