i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
