Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
