does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
