Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
