i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
