SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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