also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
