I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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