Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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