He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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