I need to stop coming to work sober
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
