if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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