i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
