im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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