I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
home. puking in laundry basket.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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