she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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