i permit you to call me
Life is so much better after having sex.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
