just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
