I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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