"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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