I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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