Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
