loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
