Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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