i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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