Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
