I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize