I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
