Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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