Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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