absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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