so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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