C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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