thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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