I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
