That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
