do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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