C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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