I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
