So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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