my mouth tastes like poor choices
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
