I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You ruined the universe
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
