Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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