if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
