in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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