my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
