I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
