I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
