As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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