they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
