is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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Take your time, I'll wait