can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
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so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.