I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize