your parents love me but you hate me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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