you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
