she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
