and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was born a porn star she said
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
