Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
