I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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