Banned from zoo.
Again?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
