ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
