I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
