my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
