I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
