Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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