I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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