We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
